With all my Love, Mommy

Dear Son,

By age 21, I had already decided that I wanted you.  I had even tried to get you here and failed a couple of times.  But I kept trying, mostly because I thought that by having you, your father would get his stuff together and love me more.  Even though, I didn’t truly understand that I was not thinking with the best mind to bring you into the world, on a very hot August day in 1995, you burst through my body and announced that now I had something new to love and that you would love me back forever.

At that moment, we started a connection that no time or distance could ever break. 

Our days were filled with teachable moments.  I was young and I had no idea what I was doing.  But you were very patient.  You smiled all the time, giving me the extra confidence I needed to embrace my new life as a mother.  You were the sweetest baby and you began to sing before you could even talk – this surprised no one by the way.

As I started getting older, I realized that being a baby myself I wasn’t doing as good a job with raising you as I wanted.  I wanted to try to get myself together emotionally and financially and I didn’t think I could do that and take care of you.  I now know that God just simply doesn’t give us any more than we can handle.  While I think sending you to live with your daddy was good on one count, on another, it’s a choice I made that I’d gladly take back if I had the chance to.  We missed so much of each other during those years.  But, in a strange way, we continued to grow closer and closer.

Now, the Lord has saw fit for you to be with me again.  My family, after years of being incomplete, is whole for the first time.  A part of my soul that has been dormant, unenthused, and torn is now mended and ready to face the world.  You did that.  You’ve always been a source of inspiration for me and I know that you always will be.

I'm aware that I give you tough lessons and that I'm a stern parent.  I know that makes no sense to you now at 16, but  I make no apologies for that.  Life is hard.  My position is that in order for you to be a MAN (not just a grown boy) you must be able to face life’s hardships.  You’ll face many disappointments because that’s just life.  But as a Black Man, you’re life will be twice as hard as any non-black man.  Trust me on this.  You’re efforts will have to be 1000 times the effort of a white man in order for it to be worthwhile to anyone or even recognized.  You'll have to be smarter, more determined, more focused, and have thicker skin that any man of another race (including other minorities).  That's just a fact.  You'll have people argue the validity of that, but either they aren't black or they haven't experienced life as a black man in the south!

You must know that the world is an open book for you to explore.  Never limit yourself to one thing or the other.  You can do everything, all things and then some.  You are born to succeed and you have been gifted with skills that offer you choices that many people may not have.  You do.  Use them!  Always be humble and accept people for who they are not who they say they are.  Treat them accordingly.  I'ts okay to fail as long as you learn from your mistakes and do your best not to repeat them.  If you fall down, just make sure you get right back up!

When considering a partner, be with someone who cherishes and respects you and you must offer the same.  Be equally yoked.  Don't be with a person you can't hold a conversation with as that gets old real fast.  NEVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN!  EVER!  If you ever hit a woman, push a woman or beat on a woman and she is not threatening your life, remember that you have a mother and a baby sister.  How would you feel if someone did that to one of us?  If it ever comes to that, walk away, run away and never go back!  I will never condone you mistreating a woman, KNOW THIS!  It is unacceptable and only cowards behave in that manner.

As far as I am concerned, my child, you will be a man in a year – 18 years old.  That means real life will come knocking on your door and living in my house, I WILL OPEN IT!  I’m going to let life in whether you think you are ready or not!  I will always have my hand outstretched to you and I will never turn my back on you; neither will I cripple you or give you a false perception of reality.  I never have and I never will.

Remember, to love with all your heart, keep the Most High higher than anything else and enjoy the ride.  We only get one, my child, and I want you to take it by the back seat of the pants and run it down until you can’t run anymore.

This is my wish for you.  I can never be more proud of you than I am today, but I look forward to watching you grow and having more moments that make me proud.

With all my love,

MOMMY