I Miss You Mary Franklin

I’ve pretty much been a sap most of my life. Most things that trigger emotion lead me directly to tears. I have learned to embrace my emotion and to just let the tears do what they choose to. This morning was no different.

 

I woke from my slumber a bit earlier than usual. Not only did it shock me, but it even shocked my husband (and daughter). “Why are you up?” he asked. I responded, “Well, you’re going out of town today and I just wanted to be up with you.” While I was saying that something in my soul was telling me that there was more to the reason I was so wide awake and so focused on him than any regular morning.

 

It wasn’t until after my first break at work that I realized I was falling into an emotional cocoon for no apparent reason.  Didn't take much longer before I realized why I had been so moved to surround myself with my husband today. Today is his mother’s birthday. It has always been really cute that his birthday was the day after hers. I thought it was an extremely terrible time for her being in the hospital pushing out a child the day after her birthday. She often made jokes about how much like her he is and not only was it genetic but also because they shared a birthday month (and week).

 

Mrs. Franklin transitioned in 2008 and I don’t think his birthday has really been the same. I know he’s strong and I know he understands life and death, but for his entire life this has been something that I believe he was proud of – having that link of back to back birthdates with his mom. So, I think that this morning, our connection pushed my body to get up and make myself available for him - just in case it was hard for him. I didn’t know it then, but it was my way of being there for him if he needed me. He was fine. 

 

As I sit here now with my face drenched with tears and my heart literally pleading for some relief from this really uncomfortable hurt I’m feeling, I can not help but to be just a little bit selfish. I really miss her. She was one of those people that you know you will never meet another one like her. I ache because of that. She was stern and funny. She was one of the smartest women I’ve ever met in my life. I quickly grew attached to her. Although, it was months into our relationship before I even met his family. When I did, she just acted like I’d been there the whole time. I felt like I was a part of the family immediately but I also knew that if she didn’t accept me none of the family would. She was the boss! She was in full control and I loved her instantly. 

 

I hate to talk about what it does to me when I think about her because I keep telling myself that it isn’t about me. It’s about my husband and his family. That’s what’s important. But doing that keeps me from having anyone to really talk to about how much I miss her and how much I am hurting from her not being here for holidays; for our wedding day; and for the birth of our child.  It stings my heart that I can still hear her saying, “Funmi, you really need to come over here. You don’t have to wait on Brad!” 

 

Well, today, I have decided that I will use this blog as a way for me to get this out of me for the first time. 

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Mary Franklin, 

 

I know how much you hate the mushy stuff.  But I can go no longer with this pain.  I know there will never be a full relief, but I'm hoping that writing to you will at least get me on the right road.  I have taught myself to put my feelings aside so that I can be there for Brandi, Julian and Brad if they need me, but I have come to realize that I have just not been dealing with the hurt and the pain that I feel from missing you.  I miss you terribly. I see how much your son misses you. I wipe his tears and I want to make it stop when he’s hurting, but I hurt too. 

 

I am so thankful for the time that I was able to spend with you.  You gave me the "clues" I needed on how to handle your son.  You told me things that I doubt he knows you shared with me.  :-)  You even listened to me complain from time to time when I didn't understand him - it's not easy at first.  You laughed and you fussed, but you understood. You asked for my advice about things and I know that you respected me as a woman. You trusted me to take care of your son and I appreciate you allowing me to step into your family and into your heart. You were more than a mother. You were truly a friend – a well spoken, well versed – friend.

 

My soul is saddened by the thought that you didn’t get to see your first child get married or meet Bralynn while in your earthly form. I know you’re with us all the time. It’s probably your spirit that takes over her when she calls herself yelling at us to do something (without even being able to speak yet). But I would have loved for her to be around you. I would love for her to have had the opportunity of your influence. I’m sure you’d have her reading world affairs by the time she was five. I am sad to have to miss that. But I am eternally grateful that so much of you lives on in your children and grandchildren.  They are all very much like you!

 

Rest assured that I keep you with me. I often tickle myself at the thought that maybe you and my daddy are together watching over us and probably disagreeing often.  With both of you being so vocal and opinionated and outspoken, I can just about imagine what a conversation would be like with the two of you.  When Brad and I were coming up with a name for Bralynn, I think I could even hear the both of you toiling over it. Naming children was important to both of you. So to compromise, we kept your “BJF” theme and we gave her an African middle name as I know my father would have wanted. I hope you are both pleased.

 

I could not possibly love your son any more than I do today, but I look forward to falling more and more in love over the years to come. I know, I know, he is a handful. But I can handle him. You know that!   You have done a magnificent job with him.  He is a wonderful father and a great husband.  I really don't know how I ended up so blessed to have him take me as his life's partner, but I am thankful.  Be proud.  We’re doing just great. Don’t you worry about the two of us, just continue to nudge us when we look like were heading in the wrong direction.

 

I will remember you forever and admire you even longer than that. You are a true Queen who I am honored to have as a mother-in-law. I only pray that I can contribute to the world as you have.  By the way, the girls from your drill team captain days and your students, continue to reach out to us.  If only you knew how many lives you touched (and changed).  We honor you and your life's work.  You've done GREAT! 

 

Happy Birthday! Love you forever!

 

Your daughter-in-law,

~F. Franklin~