I Stand With You (Anniversary Reflection)
Carnie Wilson might have put it best: “My husband and I are best of friends first and foremost. We fight like cats and dogs, but never stay mad for long. I was lucky to find him. He is, in every way, my soul mate.”
As we prepare for our fourth year as man and wife, I can’t begin to describe the abundance of emotion I feel. I’m a true to form sap, I own that. But, the road that we’ve taken to find each other warrants such bountiful emotion. Not to mention that the road continued to change after we found each other and then the bumps became too strenuous for us and we separated. I thank the Creator every day that he saw what we didn’t. He saw a partnership. He saw our beautiful baby girl. He saw the love that he wants all of his children to feel. Then he brought us back together to stand together and face the world.
When I was younger, I had in my mind what I thought my husband would look like. I mean really young, like about 9 or 10. Back when I thought I’d be a lawyer. I saw my husband being very dark skinned, with an undeniable sex appeal. I saw his teeth being very straight and his lips curling perfectly around them to make a smile that could light the darkness. I saw a man who was very strong willed and strong physically; the athletic type. I saw a beard on his face (well groomed). As hard as it may be to believe this, I saw in his eyes, that he saw me. Yes, even way back then.
Throughout my dating life, I never came in contact with this man. In high school the guys I liked looked nothing like my dream husband. I was into the dudes who played sports but they had one or two things but not the total package as I’d seen in my pre-adolescent dreams. I spent most of my young adult life with a man that was the total opposite of what I was attracted to. I left my home state and I still never saw this man, my dream man. So of course I stopped looking for him. In fact, I didn’t believe he existed. By the time I was real good and grown I was damaged and didn’t even believe in marriage. Therefore, my dream husband became a fantasy and I chalked it all up to childhood imagination – much like my desire to be a lawyer which had also disappeared.
We’ve told the story many times about how we first saw each other at Phingprint’s house. I paid him little attention. We’ve talked about meeting at the Jackson Music Awards where he asked me to marry him. It wasn’t until this year’s reflection that I realized why I was touched by his one-liner. It’s because it was him; my dream husband. Since I believe that our paths have always been covered by the Creator, I believe that’s why his first words to me were, “Will you be my wife?” I also believe that’s why it didn’t sound like a pick up line, but an actual proposal. It was meant to stick with me and it has. I still get that same feeling today as I did that night. God was showing me the man of my dreams. As with most things God shows me, it was little room for doubt. He looked exactly like my husband. He fit every description to the tee. He warmed my heart from the very first words from his mouth. He was my soul mate and we both knew it right from the start.
People seem to believe that being with a soul mate means that the relationship will be easy and things will always be flowery and sunny. Trust me that is not even remotely the case. We are still two very strong minded individuals – one of the things we love about each other. Often times, we disagree on things. In fact, we disagree about half the time. We have the craziest arguments known to man. Sometimes I wish we could record them, as I am sure they would make for entertainment for many. After many years, it was our differences that caused us to separate. We simply couldn’t find a way back to each other after the first couple of years. We started to grow apart. But we did what many people don’t and their relationships never mend – we broke up! It was the absolute best thing that could have happened to us. Separated for about three years, I dated other people and so did he. We learned from the experience that while band-aids make us feel better in the moment, when we went to bed each night, our last thought was of each other (FOR THREE YEARS). Physically, we were apart, but spiritually we were growing closer day by day, night by night.
Thankfully, we found our way back to each other. There were no more doubts about if this was it; if we should marry; if we are meant to be together. We have never doubted since that day that we are one for life. We know exactly how blessed we are that God knows us better than we do.
For my friends who think love is this perfect peace that falls down like rain drops, I say to you it isn’t. While it’s peaceful and pleasant and should add great things to your life, don’t believe there won’t be rain. Don’t believe the hard times won’t find you. Don’t believe that having a wedding makes a marriage. It takes two people bringing their individuality together and agreeing with free-will and honesty, to unify . From that moment, know that it is no longer a me and a you; it’s simply US. No matter what it looks like on the outside to other people, the “US” is all that matters. We learned that lesson on our own and we've received confirmation together.
I’ll never say that the road is easy. I’ll never say there won’t be mistakes made or tears shed. I’ll never say that I won’t curse him out, hang up on him, and slam the door in his face. But I will say that I was born to be my husband’s wife and vice versa. All the rest is just living. When it’s rough, we’ll grab each other’s hand and face the wind. We are fully aware that there will be trials, hell, we’ve seen quite a few already. But we believe in each other, in our love and in the Creator.
As we go into this fourth year of marriage, I simply want to say to my husband, I STAND WITH YOU. No matter what you face for the rest of your life, I stand with you. When you are confused about direction, I stand with you. When you want to record an album, I stand with you. When you want to start a new project, I stand with you. When you’re feeling low and heavy, I stand with you. When you don’t know which way to turn, I will hold your hand and together we will turn to GOD. I STAND WITH YOU. I am thankful for my dream husband who has become my real life husband. But above all else, I am thankful for the roads that we both traveled to prepare for each other. I wouldn’t change a thing. I have married my best friend, my childhood dream man, my soul mate.
Happy Anniversary Hubs!
