To the Abused, from the Abused

During this time, as the Jackson Free Press Chickball 2010 grows near, I am reflecting -as I do every year around this time- at the life I spent as a battered and abused woman.  The Chickball is an annual event that raises funds for victims of Domestic Violence.  Unfortunately, I was in an abusive relationship that lasted 11 years with only four of those years being abuse-free (the first four).  The remaining years I spent in some sort of daze as I can't remember much of that time.  I do, however, remember the fights, the verbal abuse, the mental and physical pain I endured.

 

I've tried to forgive this man as I know that I must in order to freely love my wonderful, new husband.  This is very difficult.  I have learned through prayer and meditation that I haven't come as far in my healing and growth as I once thought.  I have baggage that torments my life as a result being abused for much of my young adult life.  I've learned that I am so not perfect - not even anywhere near it.

 

As I write to you today filled with hope, I ask that you love me, still. 

 

Even though, I am hardened. 

 

Even though, I am insecure. 

 

Even though I am untrusting. 

 

Even though I am emotional. 

 

Even though I am weak. 

 

Love me still for if you are reading this, I love you!

 

As I pray to become whole again, my soul aches for women who are in violent relationships.  It's really hard to recognize these women.  They won't tell you they're being beaten.  They won't say that they are filled with pain; they hate their lives; they feel worthless.  They will not speak out and ask for help. 

 

They are embarrassed/ashamed.  I am ashamed, but that shame is drowned by my desire to save someone else from this agony.  It's not easy to overcome.  It's not easy to pick up and start over when you've lost yourself in hurt and pain at the hands of someone you loved and whom you THOUGHT loved you.  It's not easy to admit that you were treated so badly especially when you SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

 

This is more common than many would care to think.  Abuse happens in marriages and relationships of people we love and we never know it.  We miss the signs.  We think it wouldn't happen to our friends.  Well, it does.

 

We MUST make ourselves available to our sisters.  We must pay attention.  We must get involved.  Although we've taught ourselves to "mind our own business", we can't do that to each other any longer.  I am a living witness that even if a woman escapes a violent situation with her physical life, the horrible effect never die.  It can take years to even recognize the pain and even longer to fix it.  But one person being honest, patient and tender can open the door for healing.

 

Let us be there for each other.  Let us verbally discuss this violence even when it's not Chickball time; even when there isn't a death caused by this evil act. 

 

Let us be vocal and sincere.  Let us love each other!