Happiness vs. Joy

Happiness has a way of tricking you,

A way of making you play the fool;

It’s vague – it’s limited,

Consider yourself lucky to find it;

No matter how hard you try,

Doesn’t matter if you laugh or cry;

It comes and goes with increasing ease,

Leaving you confused and less than pleased.

I thought I was happy,

Til he slapped me;

Kicked, punched and pushed me too,

Removed my peace, nothing I could do;

Called me names – I felt like dirt,

Never to be the same, defeated and hurt;

Said it was all for love and affection,

But his fist was the answer and I was the question.

I wasn’t pretty enough, I was weak,

Fat, not hot – he just didn’t want me;

Yet, he kidnapped my spirit, this man,

My vagina he claimed upon his demand;

To him I was merely a piece of property,

Turned my fantasy into a real life tragedy;

How could he love me and I not know?

How could he love me and it not show?

Since then I refused to release the pain,

I held on real tight to all that shame;

For years my sunshine was the rain,

He moved on, but for me, the storm remained;

I had no clue I wasn’t happy,

I thought this was how love was to be;

So, No!  Happiness, I will no longer beg for you,

You abandoned me, now I don’t believe it’s true.

I just want to be complete,

I really want to be proud of me;

I need a goodness unattached to someone else,

It has to be mine, even when nothing’s left;

I need an energy that you can’t deploy,

I want the realness that basks in joy;

I want to be strong again,

I want the confidence that rests within.

Happiness led me astray, left me alone,

With all hope of fairy tale love, gone;

Now, I have what will last thru eternity,

You can’t take it away, cuz you didn’t give it to me;

Happiness, I say, disappears like a blinking eye,

But JOY comes with the morning light;

I’ll take a tall order of joy, if you please,

Uncompromising & steady

YES!  Give me astounding, everlasting joy,

This time, I AM READY!

~QueenFolayan~

Jackson Free Press

Chickball 2012