LOOK FOR ME

I lay awake with my soul dancing

My mind racing

My female-ness begging, pleading.

I thought, “Maybe I should just cry”

I don’t know why but I was desperate

Crying always help, so I felt.

So why not try.

I closed my eyes and gave myself permission

To listen to the tears

As they fell to my attention.

But they didn’t come.

Instead my heart raced

And I chased it

I wanted more ease, please

I begged.

But I was alone again

No tears, no answers, no pain, no gain.

Just me. All me.

I thought, “what else is there suppose to be?”

You see I’ve never known me

I never knew there was a me to know

Everything I thought was just for show

But now I want to know what’s real

I want my heart to live

I want my soul to sing and harmonize

With my eyes as I rise.

I want to be nothing and everything

All at the same time.

This body is a façade, a mere reflection

A shield used only for protection

It ain’t me. No, it ain’t me.

Look deeper. Look deep to see

All that’s real, really isn’t real to me

I’m in here.  I’M IN HERE.

I’m in the depth of this body

I’m the soul that can’t be controlled

Not young or old

Not frail or skinny, not fat, just plenty.

Here I am.  Look for me beyond the confined

I’m free. It’s me. Just me.

And I’m right here.

I just never took the time to see

Beyond the me I thought I’d be

To find the me that already is

The me that’s happy and whole and free

I’m just me.  Lonely, lovely, womanly- me

That’s all there is and that’s good enough

Finally.

~Q/F~